It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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