i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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