I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
