the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
