Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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