worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize