"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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