Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
