Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
