Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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