I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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