i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
