my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
