3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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