I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
