I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
