i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
