Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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