Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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