Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
