i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
