All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
