Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
