Dual....:-)
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
