i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
