I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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