There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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