Someone shit on the floor
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
