So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dicks are not precious.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
