Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
