the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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