So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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