I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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