She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
