sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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