i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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