I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
