I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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