I'm going to jail i love you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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