Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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