is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
