i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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