omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
