is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize