i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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