So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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