We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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