Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
