She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
