I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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