Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
