I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Two words: nipple clamps
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