There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.