he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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