She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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