On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
