i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
