He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
