My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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